It took only eight words for my mood to change from completely neutral to devastated.
I need to cop on and stop moaning about my ex-best friend. It’s time to move the fuck on and stop thinking about her. This isn’t normal.
Get over it.
And one of your current best friends walks in.
Who hasn’t a clue that you were going to ask the ex-besto to be friends again.
And doesn’t particularly like the ex-besto.
I’m finding out what role I got.
I could be:
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
There’s no way I’d want the ‘read more’ option to work.
It was by far one of the worst days of my life.
Started off alright, had fun in the base room before role call. We drew Christmas messages on the board, played Christmas songs and had fun.
Then in study my maths teacher kept picking on me, was not nice. And by “kept picking on me”, I mean kind of gave out to me three times. Yet that still manages to ruin my morning.
In English class, this irritating group of girls who are barely even passing, and put in no effort at all, were chatting the entire class and it was ridiculous. Ugh. My teacher barely even gave out to them. I wouldn’t mind but most of us actually want to learn. They shouldn’t even be in our class with the effort they’re putting in.
After break we had our senior awards. Loads of awards had been given out. I was the only one in my group who hadn’t gotten an award yet. So embarrassing. But then, to my complete surprise, I won the Irish award. Yes, you heard me right, the Irish award. I’m not great at Irish, but I was “well chuffed”. After that came the geography award. I won that too. I was so happy. Maths teacher was cheering me on when I got my awards, shouting “go Keego!” and all that, so I suppose I was back in her good books by then.
I’d been planning to wear a moustache to some classes for a while now, and I took my chance in Irish. My Irish teacher didn’t show up, so I didn’t get in trouble with her. Had lunch in our base room, and the ex-best friend and her group showed up (again). Talked to her a bit. Not sure if I like talking to her again. Not to sound cheesy, but it’s really painful for me to talk to her when I think back to how we used to be best friends.
After lunch we had geography. I went to class with my moustache. The class convinced me to dress up as our teacher, so I put on her glasses, scarf and jacket and sat in her chair with my back to the door. When she came in I swung around and told her to take her seat. It was quite funny, a lot funnier if you were there in my class.
In maths our teacher told us that she’s three months pregnant. She won’t be teaching us next year. She’s leaving us with another teacher, who according to D is a terrible teacher and no fun at all. Our current teacher is so much fun but still gets work done. Hands down the best teacher I’ve ever had. She’s my favourite. And she’s leaving. I’m happy for her but I’m really upset. Am so fucked for the leaving cert.
Went to French. Teacher spent the first 25 minutes of class basically describing everything I did in my oral (all of it wrong, of course). He was even imitating me. I’m not overreacting or over-reading into this, I know what was going on. Smug bastard. I hate him.
Held back tears for all of French. Sprayed a shitload of that rescue remedy spray shite. Didn’t work. Had to do my French listening exam. Thought it was simple. Obviously that means I failed it.
Girl from school that I’m friendly with started messaging me earlier about what present we should get our maths teacher. She invited me shopping with her and another girl I’m friendly with after Awards Day tomorrow. We’re going to get our maths teacher’s present. Literally started bawling when she asked me. Over-reactions have apparently become a part of my everyday life now.
I started crying an hour ago. Have been crying most of the time since then.
I keep thinking about everything that’s going on in my life right now.
I’m thinking that I don’t deserve those awards I got. There are girls who are far better at Irish than me. I don’t deserve the Irish award. I’m just my geography teacher’s favourite, I’m no good at geography. I didn’t deserve that award either.
I don’t deserve to be on student council. I only got in because people think I’m funny. I won’t be good at my job. My French teacher is right, I shouldn’t be on it. I should resign.
And then there’s the really awful things I’m thinking that I can’t tell anybody. They’re eating me up inside. I sound so melodramatic. But everything I’m feeling is so melodramatic.
I’m just sick of life.
French oral went disastrously. My French teacher was really mean to me. He asked me how I got on Student Council if I couldn’t even speak. He’s so intimidating, I got so nervous that I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t go to the bathrooms after my oral because he’d have seen me, so I had to go back into the classroom where the French lady was teaching us. I came in all smiles, saying it went grand. Got to the back where my seat is, sat down. L asked me how I got on and I said “If I don’t keep laughing about it, I’ll burst into tears”, and promptly burst into tears in front of my French class. Excellent. Love publicly crying. Not humiliating at all.Then I got in trouble in maths, and me being myself, I got all upset over it even though it was technically a small little thing. I was what I call a “bad day”.
Happy for the first time in ages because:
It was just one of those really nice days.
I’m really upset that school ends on Thursday.